The Downtown Primer

 Welcome to Downtown: “Open 9:00am-6:00pm Mon.-Sat. Closed Sundays.”

Things Often Overheard Downtown: “Where’s Pike’s Place Market? Excuse me, sir, do you know where Pike’s Market is? Yeah, I’m looking for the Pike’s Street Market. That’s right, Pike’s Place Street Market. Pike’s Peak friggin Market. Where is it? Yeah, where they throw the fish.”

Neighborhood Custom: Counting cranes to fall asleep.

Neighborhood Fear: 3rd Avenue.

Proper Attire: Is it black?  Good.

Representative Food/Drink: The pan-Asian takeout food you settled for because you couldn’t find a pizza place that sold by the slice so you just had to settle for this place and now you don’t know if you want to eat it all because it’s probably, like, a million calories and it’s not that good anyways and…”

Major Export: Mediocre street music. “The guy is playing DRUMS on BUCKETS! How cool is that? Isn’t that amazing that everyday things can make music like that? Oh look there’s another street musician! This guy is using slightly different buckets AND glass bottles for his drums! Oh honey, look down on that corner: this drummer is using a BONGO that is so annoying that no one walkes within fifteen feet of him! Oh and over there is a sax player. Where does he think he is…New York?”

Statement That Will Get You a Date: “Cosmo?”

Don’t Bring Up: Mass transit.