Belltown: “Come for the Sugary, Expensive Drinks. Stay for the Fights at Last Call.”
Here’s the first post of a series of neighborhood primers. These will be helpful in navagating different Seattle ‘hoods. Enjoy.
Looks like you took a wrong turn at Westlake. Now see if you survive!
Things Commonly Overheard in Belltown:
Gunshots, Jeager bombs, collar popping.
Collective Neighborhood Fear:
1. Books.
2. The ability to feel feelings.
Subjects Not to Bring Up:
1. Your bus pass.
2. That your cell phone is the ’07 model.
Proper Belltown Attire:
Like Pioneer Square but with more hair gel, soaked in Hugo Boss cologne and looking increasingly like a junior sales rep from T-Mobile.
Belltown’s Major Export:
Possible fatal stab wounds acquired in or in front of Venom.
Neighborhood Custom:
Spending your entire paycheck in one night on a stretch Hummer rental, three crappy mojitos, 4 cover charges, a hot dog from a street vendor and those drinks for that girl that ditched you for the guy with the Ed Hardy tee.
Statement That Will Get You a Date in Belltown:
“Word, I’m a junior VP. Wanna slam some lemon drops? Now, where did I put my I-Phone? Oh it’s next to my BMW keys which are connected to my keys to my expensive apartment in Kirkland which are buried deep in the pockets of my True Religion jeans.”
