Belltown: “Come for the Sugary, Expensive Drinks. Stay for the Fights at Last Call.”

Here’s the first post of a series of neighborhood primers.  These will be helpful in navagating different Seattle ‘hoods.  Enjoy.

Looks like you took a wrong turn at Westlake. Now see if you survive!

Things Commonly Overheard in Belltown:

Gunshots, Jeager bombs, collar popping.

Collective Neighborhood Fear:

1. Books.
2. The ability to feel feelings.

Subjects Not to Bring Up:

1. Your bus pass.
2. That your cell phone is the ’07 model.

Proper Belltown Attire:

Like Pioneer Square but with more hair gel, soaked in Hugo Boss cologne and looking increasingly like a junior sales rep from T-Mobile.

Belltown’s Major Export:

Possible fatal stab wounds acquired in or in front of Venom.

Neighborhood Custom:

Spending your entire paycheck in one night on a stretch Hummer rental, three crappy mojitos, 4 cover charges, a hot dog from a street vendor and those drinks for that girl that ditched you for the guy with the Ed Hardy tee.

Statement That Will Get You a Date in Belltown:

“Word, I’m a junior VP. Wanna slam some lemon drops? Now, where did I put my I-Phone? Oh it’s next to my BMW keys which are connected to my keys to my expensive apartment in Kirkland which are buried deep in the pockets of my True Religion jeans.”