The Pilot Post: So You Moved to Seattle…

Good.

Now you’re more important that everyone for at least 1,000 miles in any direction.  You’re in the most underrated major city in the country.  The one that is silently running everyone’s life from coast to coast as they type on their Microsoft software in their Boeing jet planes while using their T-Mobile phone.  So naturally, by default, we are super important too.

Bellevue wishes they were us. And their buildings are short and boring.  And you know what they say about cities with short buildings… Actually, have you ever taken a “Bellevue baller” (you know what I mean) and walked him to a real alley in the middle of the night, spun him around 15 times and sent him on his way?  He’ll be more uncomfortable than a Baptist on a brewery tour.

Tacoma and Everett…well I won’t even touch them.  That’s like punching a kid who’s wearing glasses.

Seattlites: we have it all.

You may recognize the snark and generally amazing writing from my former blog with the Seattle PI (Urban Exile) that I actually shut down.  Its hard to compete with “Debbie and Her Three Hundred Cats Blog,” “I Use Video Games to Preserve My Virginity” and “Omifukngawd I’m So Rich and Heres Where I Shop Blog” so naturally I moved here.  That and there’s like, what, one good downtown blog.  It’s not that we aren’t writers.  It’s more that we can’t concentrate on anything when there’s some asshole hippie with a bongo outside making everyone’s ears bleed.

So that’s it.

Stay tuned for more posts bashing Bellevue, bashing Snohomish County, bashing our grade-school street buskers, bashing NIMBYs, crappy street style, crappy condo restaurants and other time-wasting things people in Kent can’t even spell and things Seattlites are afraid to bring up.

Check back often.  Or at least every week.